Subject: Mr. President
Purpose: I'm headed to Mexico
Dear President Obama:
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and my extended family, and I
would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from
the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can
help me with this.
I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas
and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way that you do for them
here in the United States.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderone, that I'm on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Provide free medical care for my entire family.
2. Provide english speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need,
whether I use them or not.
3. See to it that all government forms are to be printed in English too.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English speaking or bilingual teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole
at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school, breakfast and lunch for free.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to
all the normal government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to
learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Calderone
to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak to me English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put American flag decals on my car and
have a gigantic celebration on July 4th, where the Mexican flag is prohibited. and I
do not want any complaints or racial comments from the locals about any of this.
12. I would also like to have a nice job at five times what I make in the US, without
paying taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or taxes on me or my family.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a
critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the Mexican economy.
14. If any of my family happens to have a baby while there, be sure it is automatically
made a citizen of your fine country with all the special and additional privledges
that this endows them.
If you think I have left anything out, please advise me at your earliest convenience.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people
who come to the U.S. from Mexico in the same way. I am sure that Pres. Felipe de Jesus
CALDERON Hinojosa won't mind honoring your request if you ask him nicely, as you certainly
do all of this for his people that come over here in the same way.
Thank you so much for your kind help,
Sincerely, A U.S. citizen